wedding bells and cockle shells

ITS ALL ABOUT THE SMILE....


THERE IS A RING..AND MOST DEFINITELY THE ABSENCE OF BLING...
BUT NO TRAVELLING PANTS...:) THE ENGAGEMENT.

October 2010...was when the wedding bells told for me, and my greatest stress was that the travelling wedding pants, having been banned from baby brothers wedding would definitely not see the light of day on this one.

shortly after little brother made his intentions known, my dad turned his beady eyes on the only single sibling left, and said, "my dear what are your plans?",.."you cannot be dating forever, not good for you or Albert. predictably i was off to dinner with boyfriend to discuss the matter, long term dating is never an option in the Indian family, being Muslim, makes it all the more trying, not to mention all the snoopy men at mosque, were trying to fish out the seriousness of our relationship.

so over serious dinner discussion, do not ask me where or when, i fail to remember such trivial things, we decided..(much to my surprise, marriage being definitely not on my radar)to become MR and MRS, no, not Smith,...i am months later still wondering what all the bruhaha is all about, the news of impending nuptials spread faster, then a brush fire in the Australian outback, i got calls from excited family and friends thanking God, calling on his greatness, for saving the last spinster in the family from the inglorious state of singledom, God had finally made me accept a marriage proposal and all was well with the world again.

i am now of the opinion, that being single was not considered "lekker", and it was possibly a punishment from God,...you think i might attain heaven now that i am a Mrs,..God i hope you are listening, if you are, could i win the lottery please? a million would do nicely thank you.

it came to pass, in a rather low key affair (by Indian standards)on the 6th of February 2010, i became an engaged woman,...we were truly moving into the rainbow nation, Albert is of Portuguese and Afrikaans decent, and i am a true blue Gujarati,..my ancestry could have some Arab or Chinese thrown in who knows,..
my mother in law, put a pretty gold chain around my neck, my fiance a pretty diamond ring on my finger, and without the long drawn out speeches, and prayers thanking the Gods, without ululating, or any of the grand fanfair that goes with the occasion, i had committed myself to....MARRIAGE!!!....oh dear.

understandably my mother was rather quiet, a little smile but no great enthusiasm, well, i had been with her for 41 long years, and now what the hell was i doing?, in that moment i was being dazzled by diamond rings..ok, ok..i am not that mercenary, and poor husband is yet to cough up the goodies, that comes with marrying into an Indian family,...what did you think we gave away our daughters cheaply,...oh dear me no.

The run up to the wedding was the right royal pain in the ass i thought it would be, there was no chance of missing out at the office to plan a wedding, so it all got done, in between moments, there is a reason, i don't like weddings, and my own was proving to be no different, the dress, the hair, the venue, the caterer, the list is endless, and oh the guest list, which lead to many an argument, i was pushing for 100 guests, my dad was "you cannot get away with under 300", 300, i don't know 300 people, and really all i was interested in was the party, we settled on the 2nd of October 2010, which coincidentally, ok i lie, by no mere coincidence is also the 45th wedding anniversary of my parents, who i am sure after many an argument, all wedding related, could not wait for the 2nd to come fast enough. getting rid of me was proving to be acceptable, and at some point, they were willing to do this for free and for gratis.

as luck would have it, i could not have been bothered with a dress, thanks to the generosity of Aadil, who called the dress guy, Michael and finally pushed me into going to check him out, we were on the road to dress heaven...my only brief, i do not want to look like a meringue. i also did not relish the thought of a gazillion dress fittings, which are aggravating and the damned dress always looks crap, since i was lazy, i also got some fabric, prior to seeing Michael, and went off to another clients recommendation, just 1km up the road, the long and the short of it was that i ended up with two wedding dresses, not having the heart to tell Chantal..that i had another dress, when i got her bill, i realised my inability to say no, had just cost me a small fortune, no matter i now have another dress, that i will never wear again, but hey it rocked on the night.

i was still at this point not running a fever or jumping with excitement at the thought of getting married, my brain was still trying to comprehend what all the fuss was about, and the constant are you excited? question was starting to drive me insane, excited about what, i had met someone, and we had decided to make a life together, was i nervous? no, was i excited? no, this all seriously felt like another day at the office, with more work thrown in, to fill my already full working day.

perhaps it was my lack of stress, or excitement, perhaps i was to old to feel the jitter bug, perhaps i was being to pragmatic, hell, there were a multitude of perhapes, i could have dreamed up, three weeks before my party (because weddings are just to fake). the wedding planner (ya right)..i had done all the planning, just needed the guy to provide tablecloths and food, turned out to be the biggest "wanker" (literally) of all time, he wanted to bill me for two weddings, give me a break, the venue was mine until midnight, our plan was to utilise it for that long, as we were going to party,and enjoy 45 years of marital bliss, as well.

but Muslim weddings don't have music and dancing and Indians eat, take the gift and fuck off, before the bride even leaves the venue, so really his staff only worked till 5. this wedding was a Saturday afternoon luncheon, that would go into dancing in the evening,two bills? , give me a kit kat, i was about to swat him from here back to the teeny tiny village in Gujarat he hailed from.furthermore i had the audacity to have an opinion or idea on what i wanted the venue to look like, to cut a long story short, i told him to shove his drapes, masquerading as tablecloths where the sun does not shine, and took my pissed off ass back to the office.

suffice to say the wanderers club, have not yet returned my money, and the wanker Aadil, "i have no qualifications as a wedding planner" and certainly no taste; is still contracted to the club as their halaal caterer.

thanks to my mum and a great tip, we found an alternate venue, with a great chef, and staff that were efficient and happy to do the job, there were no need for vapours and stress hives, we moved on, to celebrate the day with much laughter and happiness, the DJ played until the bewitching hour, we ate drank, and made merry and celebrated the 45th wedding anniversary of my parents surrounded by new family, great friends and the best tea totalling party anyone ever had the misfortune to attend got us off to the start of a happy married life together. honestly weddings aren't so bad after all, when your friends really want to be there, and your family love a party, then it is the happiest most fun filled day a couple will enjoy, the stuff happy memories are made of

since then, all i ever get asked, "so how is married life?'...are you happy?"..hell would i have gotten married if i was not happy?, would i remain married if i was not happy?, how is married life really?....its fun people, it's like a comfortable old shoe, you can never give away, its dishes, and laundry, its bad movies and a barrel of laughs, it's good morning breath, and hot showers, its just every day life, with a person, who doesn't mind seeing your wake up hair, and unmade up face. who looks at your miserable face in the morning and says "good morning my gorgeous wife"..it's knowing that and loving that..and enjoying that forever feeling.

its definitelly not wedding bells and cockle shells....