can't say that at this point in the month of ramadaan i don't wish it was over already,..the wierd sleeping pattern has taken it's toll, i'm up at 4.40am..bright as a button, (whoever believes that is crazy)..yawning and streching make my way to the kitchen, to put Sehri on the table for GDH,..and my Dad...the usual fare is a bowl of jungle oats, it can be swallowed no need for chewing, and tea or coffee, whatever the favoured poison.
me..i unpack the dishwasher, reload it for the next run, swallow some water, and bleary eyed make my way back to bed, it's a helluva long month, and if another person, wishes to recount, how wonderful and easy it is, i have a short walk to the baseball bat,..and i can use it for purposes other than hitting a ball.
as you can see, this is the month, in which i should be meditating and turning my attention to all things spiritual,..instead i am itching to use the baseball bat, it would be bliss, if you can fit the spiritual, meditative, prayer thing ,into a full work day, then cooking and cleaning up, and after the first taste of water and kajoor hits your belly, all you want to do is sigh, stretch out and sleep, then there are the maghrieb, and Isha prayers that follow, lets not forget the tarawi prayer....but let me not be untruthfull, i much prefer reading and reciting my Quran, then spending time in congregational tarawi salah, so shoot me for being an errent muslim, but some things are easier said then done.
at this point, 16h03..i am feeling the cry of hunger in my belly, and try as i might, my concentration is impaired,...and i cannot bring myself to do anything mentally challenging, i believe prayer would be included in that, so i will make my way to the kitchen, in the vain hope that preparing our Iftaar dinner would take the edge of the hunger pangs, and physical activity, will erase them as well, pity tasting the fair has to wait, oh well as you can see, a believer i am, albeit slighlty errent, not very good with completing the 5 daily prayers, but emboldened by faith and love, and all the beauty that is Allah subahana wataallah. something i read, and am now repeating here,
"I WAS A HIDDEN TREASURE AND I WILLED TO BE KNOWN, SO I CREATED THE UNIVERSE"
And that universe, is magical and perfect, and in that, lies my soul, my belief and my joy, so here i am imperfect, not outwardly perfect, but truly in love with Allah,..and the boundless blessings he bestows,..so as my stomach rumbles and i complain, i thank the Almighty for the pleasure of being able to enjoy my Iftaar dinner, and i ask that he hastens the time until dusk...
Friday, August 12, 2011
Monday, August 08, 2011
settling down....
married bliss. began in a one bedroom flat, with couches that looked like the woolly mammoth, we are now working on finalising the transfer details to our new home, who thought that purchasing a house would be a right royal pain in the ass.
show day went something like this: pouring buckets of rain, cold wet, grey unappealing day, but we run for cover and buzz the doorbell, the current owners are relocating, so the signs of packing are everywhere, on the surface the house looks fine, GDH, tries to open a window and the blind falls off, so the estate agent gets a bit antsy, which makes me blurt out to GDH, not to touch things, and thus our viewing of the house commences, me on tenterhooks, that hubby does not knock something over, he aggravated, as we should be able to touch , open, poke and prod, after all it's a show day, we never get to see the outbuildings as the weather is foul, and i am very conscious of bringing in the weather, on somebody elses property. so we have a rather cursory inspection and leave.
however the house feels like it will suit our needs, and we are keen to place an offer, before doing so, GDH, goes to inspect the property again, for major items, like the roof etc, to see that there are no big defects, satisfied, we call the agent, request the house plans, and make our offer, they only disclose one section of underfloor heating that has been out of order, satisfied with that, we don't note anything further on the offer to purchase, but we do verbally let the agent know that we will need to go around again to check for any further issues we might find, no problem they say, as the seller's are good people. we pay the deposit, and make arrangements to go to the property again.
i notice little things, like the household rubbish, old furniture, broken ladders old paint tins, it's another miserable day, and i am feeling harrassed and unhappy about this house, we don't get to see the back rooms, as the domestic worker is in there doing her cooking, grey walls, grey day, so i come home a little deflated. to make matters worse the bond application is becoming an excercise in futility, so we get the extension, and because the bond is taking longer than expected, we ask the estate agent in, to change the terms from bond, to cash/bank guaranteed payment, at that meeting i bring up, the mess in the back, and we are assured it will be taken care off, we also mention that we will inspect the house and if there are any issues, we will bring them up, for the seller to fix, no problem, we are assured all will be attended to.
the transferring attorney's, take some time in coming back to us, with the requirements for the bank guarantee, so we wait, eventually they do with some small errors, and we arrange the necessary, the estate agent keeps the commission, transfers the balance of our deposit to the attorney, then we are told that the problems we noted with the house have been there since the seller moved in,..we have still not inspected the back rooms, as on our next visit, the domestic is at a funeral and the room is locked, the rubbish is still there, apparently belonging to the domestic worker, to be moved when she vacates. so if we want repairs done, we are to pay the full market value on occupational rent, not the agreed upon amount, and we should accept things as is,so now despite the new consumer act, getting our attorney involved, and the back and forth toing and froing, we are still in transfer limbo.
apparently , Estate Agents are no better then used car salesmen, and sellers who get there price, don't give a rats ass, to ensure that the property they are selling behoves the price they are getting, there seems to be no integrity, and our fault was not checking out the house with a fine tooth comb before making the offer, but who can see unfinished plaster work behind appliances, or checks every handle on every window before making an offer, these things become apparent, once the house has been emptied.
the estate agent believes we are defaming them, i believe not,..i haven't called them crooks, i just want them to make good on the verbal conversations we had, apparently it's all here say, so we are on the take it or leave it page, oh, and if we leave it we are still to pay the agent their commission..hehehe!!!...and the consumer protection act is all hogwash, since we seem to have no recourse there, go figure that one.
GDW...just does not care anymore, i just want to have my house so i can do the setting up nest thing, found some great fabric to upholster the chairs with, and fabric for curtains..now i just need to get in there to get things done...i am dreaming paint and furniture and stoves, and a big clean up operation, however we are still at the mercy of transfering attorneys and estate agents. i understand that any home you buy is never perfect, they become what you make of them, all i want is to start my makeover, is that to much to ask?,...if there are things that the seller needs to do, why would that be so difficult....oh well, i will be patient, and wait to start building ney preparing my nest, hopefully once all this is done, mama weaver bird, will not be throwing the papa weaver out...GDH...i hope is not to concerned..:)
show day went something like this: pouring buckets of rain, cold wet, grey unappealing day, but we run for cover and buzz the doorbell, the current owners are relocating, so the signs of packing are everywhere, on the surface the house looks fine, GDH, tries to open a window and the blind falls off, so the estate agent gets a bit antsy, which makes me blurt out to GDH, not to touch things, and thus our viewing of the house commences, me on tenterhooks, that hubby does not knock something over, he aggravated, as we should be able to touch , open, poke and prod, after all it's a show day, we never get to see the outbuildings as the weather is foul, and i am very conscious of bringing in the weather, on somebody elses property. so we have a rather cursory inspection and leave.
however the house feels like it will suit our needs, and we are keen to place an offer, before doing so, GDH, goes to inspect the property again, for major items, like the roof etc, to see that there are no big defects, satisfied, we call the agent, request the house plans, and make our offer, they only disclose one section of underfloor heating that has been out of order, satisfied with that, we don't note anything further on the offer to purchase, but we do verbally let the agent know that we will need to go around again to check for any further issues we might find, no problem they say, as the seller's are good people. we pay the deposit, and make arrangements to go to the property again.
i notice little things, like the household rubbish, old furniture, broken ladders old paint tins, it's another miserable day, and i am feeling harrassed and unhappy about this house, we don't get to see the back rooms, as the domestic worker is in there doing her cooking, grey walls, grey day, so i come home a little deflated. to make matters worse the bond application is becoming an excercise in futility, so we get the extension, and because the bond is taking longer than expected, we ask the estate agent in, to change the terms from bond, to cash/bank guaranteed payment, at that meeting i bring up, the mess in the back, and we are assured it will be taken care off, we also mention that we will inspect the house and if there are any issues, we will bring them up, for the seller to fix, no problem, we are assured all will be attended to.
the transferring attorney's, take some time in coming back to us, with the requirements for the bank guarantee, so we wait, eventually they do with some small errors, and we arrange the necessary, the estate agent keeps the commission, transfers the balance of our deposit to the attorney, then we are told that the problems we noted with the house have been there since the seller moved in,..we have still not inspected the back rooms, as on our next visit, the domestic is at a funeral and the room is locked, the rubbish is still there, apparently belonging to the domestic worker, to be moved when she vacates. so if we want repairs done, we are to pay the full market value on occupational rent, not the agreed upon amount, and we should accept things as is,so now despite the new consumer act, getting our attorney involved, and the back and forth toing and froing, we are still in transfer limbo.
apparently , Estate Agents are no better then used car salesmen, and sellers who get there price, don't give a rats ass, to ensure that the property they are selling behoves the price they are getting, there seems to be no integrity, and our fault was not checking out the house with a fine tooth comb before making the offer, but who can see unfinished plaster work behind appliances, or checks every handle on every window before making an offer, these things become apparent, once the house has been emptied.
the estate agent believes we are defaming them, i believe not,..i haven't called them crooks, i just want them to make good on the verbal conversations we had, apparently it's all here say, so we are on the take it or leave it page, oh, and if we leave it we are still to pay the agent their commission..hehehe!!!...and the consumer protection act is all hogwash, since we seem to have no recourse there, go figure that one.
GDW...just does not care anymore, i just want to have my house so i can do the setting up nest thing, found some great fabric to upholster the chairs with, and fabric for curtains..now i just need to get in there to get things done...i am dreaming paint and furniture and stoves, and a big clean up operation, however we are still at the mercy of transfering attorneys and estate agents. i understand that any home you buy is never perfect, they become what you make of them, all i want is to start my makeover, is that to much to ask?,...if there are things that the seller needs to do, why would that be so difficult....oh well, i will be patient, and wait to start building ney preparing my nest, hopefully once all this is done, mama weaver bird, will not be throwing the papa weaver out...GDH...i hope is not to concerned..:)
Monday, July 25, 2011
happy with life..thanking God for small blessings
staring at the blank screen, trying to rack my brain, thinking of something interesting enough to blog about, it has been 10 months since i tied the knot.GDH..is well thank you, GDW, is contemplating the moving of our house, we have everything in storage, and are currently at my folks, not bad i might add, there is someone else to help do the cooking,...and it's a lot easier, many hands make light work.
much to my amazement GDH, is thoroughly enjoying his stay with the in laws, we have taken to nightly scrabble matches with little brother and his wife, and it surprises me, that we are so competitive, it's quite addictive,..just like marriage. my good friend Ashantha, has just accepted a proposal of marriage, so it seems that the institution is quite contagious,i can here it..love is in the air...wasn't that a Neil Diamond ditty, they love him at OR Tambo International, his crooning could be heard, as we dropped GDH at the airport for the umpteenth time, in our short but happy marriage. and yes, my sister in law..GDH'S sister that is,(the English language fails to differentiate which side of the family we are referring to)..reminded me that babies can only be made by having Sex,..for that GDH, needs to be in the country at the very least,..now that i have overcome my wedding phobia(not quite true)..i am dealing with,do we hear the patter of little feet?, is there a bun in the oven?,..can we make baby plans?,do people just have their radar focused in one direction, a linear one at that, marriage, then babies. granted i am getting on in years, so the luxury of time does not exist anymore.
hell i have just gotten used to the idea of sharing my bed,..finally after the last trip to OR Tambo, i felt the empty presence beside me, and realised that i have settled into marriage, and missed the sneezing, snoring bulk, the comforting body heat, next to me..now i have to contemplate the idea, of another tiny entity disrupting my idyllic life. but as sister in law pointed out, "your husband needs to be around for that"..i have a better idea, the next trip is in early September, so i have decided to pack my bags in anticipation..wait till GDH, gets wind of the plans i have afoot.
our next big step, will be moving into our newly purchased, old house, in the suburb of Norwood, another nightmare for GDW, one would imagine, at the prices we pay, the last owner could have at least, seen to the fact that the windows have handles...the joys of home ownership...and the irritation of unscrupulous real estate agents, and uncaring sellers, oh well, this is South Africa, and that should be no excuse for bad service, but i think we are inured to accepting the mediocre.
i am looking forward to the move, which will not happen for another three months, give or take the time it takes to transfer property in our fine country, so i will enjoy gatecrashing GDH'S business trip, extend it by 10 days and create a nice holiday around China, from Shanghai to Beijing...surprise, surprise.
much to my amazement GDH, is thoroughly enjoying his stay with the in laws, we have taken to nightly scrabble matches with little brother and his wife, and it surprises me, that we are so competitive, it's quite addictive,..just like marriage. my good friend Ashantha, has just accepted a proposal of marriage, so it seems that the institution is quite contagious,i can here it..love is in the air...wasn't that a Neil Diamond ditty, they love him at OR Tambo International, his crooning could be heard, as we dropped GDH at the airport for the umpteenth time, in our short but happy marriage. and yes, my sister in law..GDH'S sister that is,(the English language fails to differentiate which side of the family we are referring to)..reminded me that babies can only be made by having Sex,..for that GDH, needs to be in the country at the very least,..now that i have overcome my wedding phobia(not quite true)..i am dealing with,do we hear the patter of little feet?, is there a bun in the oven?,..can we make baby plans?,do people just have their radar focused in one direction, a linear one at that, marriage, then babies. granted i am getting on in years, so the luxury of time does not exist anymore.
hell i have just gotten used to the idea of sharing my bed,..finally after the last trip to OR Tambo, i felt the empty presence beside me, and realised that i have settled into marriage, and missed the sneezing, snoring bulk, the comforting body heat, next to me..now i have to contemplate the idea, of another tiny entity disrupting my idyllic life. but as sister in law pointed out, "your husband needs to be around for that"..i have a better idea, the next trip is in early September, so i have decided to pack my bags in anticipation..wait till GDH, gets wind of the plans i have afoot.
our next big step, will be moving into our newly purchased, old house, in the suburb of Norwood, another nightmare for GDW, one would imagine, at the prices we pay, the last owner could have at least, seen to the fact that the windows have handles...the joys of home ownership...and the irritation of unscrupulous real estate agents, and uncaring sellers, oh well, this is South Africa, and that should be no excuse for bad service, but i think we are inured to accepting the mediocre.
i am looking forward to the move, which will not happen for another three months, give or take the time it takes to transfer property in our fine country, so i will enjoy gatecrashing GDH'S business trip, extend it by 10 days and create a nice holiday around China, from Shanghai to Beijing...surprise, surprise.
Monday, March 07, 2011
a government of racists
It’s quite shocking that after getting rid of a government and system which prided itself on it’s racist, divisive principles we are back to square one with the likes of government spokesman Jimmy Manyi.
Who are all these creepy, stupid people who have just crawled out of the woodwork, and are now the rank and file of the ANC? Is it not enough that we suffer the likes of Julius Malema, now we have to listen to the rantings of the likes of Manyi and Paul Ngobeni? These are the voices of our new government, those that are in charge of making the decisions that will govern the future of ALL South Africans, the once respected ANC, has become no better than the regime we fought so hard to destroy.
Has the ANC, have moved so far away from the principles of non-sexism, non-racialism, and building a united democratic South Africa? What would our respected leaders; Nelson Mandela, Joe Slovo, Walter Sisulu, Doctor Dadoo, Chief Albert Lulthuli, to name but a few; think of this unacceptable behaviour? What happened to the belief in a country that supports the rights of all who live in it? South Africa has become a haven for quick enrichment and entitlement without due consideration for the people of this country.
We are a South Africa, bent on enriching cronies and fat cat politicians and we have moved so far away from the principles that toppled a despotic regime? We will someday, in the not so distant future, be looking down the barrel of a gun. The people of South Africa will not tolerate such obviously racist and divisive sentiment for much longer? The politicians are all jockeying to play down these rumblings as they need votes for the upcoming elections. The problem is that, we the voters are not stupid. The party should grow some balls, and rid itself of these selfish, greedy imbeciles before they take our promising future down the toilet with them.
instead of vying to spin doctor away these, noxious elements, get rid of them. At least Trevor Manual is still principled enough to openly respond to Manyi's racist comments. Our leaders will be be cringing in their graves at such obvious prejudice: "Indians bargaining their way to the top", Western Cape "coloureds" flooding the jobs market. These guys are all on the gravy train, and have the audacity to claim that they are speaking on behalf of the South African people. Well they are not speaking on my behalf.
Is this the face and a cover story we present to the world? Whatever happened to the principles of being fair and non-prejudiced to all who live in this country.
Nelson Mandela and the erstwhile leaders of our nation were fighting against domination of both black and white, in fact domination of any kind? Why then are the ANC and our Government so hell bent on supporting these offensive human beings. The aim should be the promotion and advancement of South Africa, not the promotion and advancement of a BUNCH OF NITWITS. Who only have the job, because they know somebody, who new somebody else. Both Jacob Zuma and the ministers under his wing, should be truly ashamed, and for once in their lives, live up to the principles that South Africans fought and died for. The Moral Compass, is totally lacking and must be recalibrated.
The fact is that we are lacking direction from any real leadership from these guys who are so hell bent on lining their pockets, that we are losing our principles, and the country is slipping into decay. This hardly makes a bleep on their radar What kind of a country, who's public face is so proudly racist, do we present to the world? And we are arrogant enough to want a permanent seat on the United Nations Security Council....if i was any self-respecting head of state, I would never be able to second any such request.
How is the present ANC government any better than the despots in Egypt, Libya or Zimbabwe? BEE has become the swear word to hide the radical chasm growing within the ANC. It is all about elections and personal enrichment and principles have been forsaken for a ride on the "GRAVY TRAIN". And it is only the country and its people that will suffer the consequences of racism and prejudice.
SHAME ON ALL OF YOU......if you want my vote, this is definitely not how you will get it.
Who are all these creepy, stupid people who have just crawled out of the woodwork, and are now the rank and file of the ANC? Is it not enough that we suffer the likes of Julius Malema, now we have to listen to the rantings of the likes of Manyi and Paul Ngobeni? These are the voices of our new government, those that are in charge of making the decisions that will govern the future of ALL South Africans, the once respected ANC, has become no better than the regime we fought so hard to destroy.
Has the ANC, have moved so far away from the principles of non-sexism, non-racialism, and building a united democratic South Africa? What would our respected leaders; Nelson Mandela, Joe Slovo, Walter Sisulu, Doctor Dadoo, Chief Albert Lulthuli, to name but a few; think of this unacceptable behaviour? What happened to the belief in a country that supports the rights of all who live in it? South Africa has become a haven for quick enrichment and entitlement without due consideration for the people of this country.
We are a South Africa, bent on enriching cronies and fat cat politicians and we have moved so far away from the principles that toppled a despotic regime? We will someday, in the not so distant future, be looking down the barrel of a gun. The people of South Africa will not tolerate such obviously racist and divisive sentiment for much longer? The politicians are all jockeying to play down these rumblings as they need votes for the upcoming elections. The problem is that, we the voters are not stupid. The party should grow some balls, and rid itself of these selfish, greedy imbeciles before they take our promising future down the toilet with them.
instead of vying to spin doctor away these, noxious elements, get rid of them. At least Trevor Manual is still principled enough to openly respond to Manyi's racist comments. Our leaders will be be cringing in their graves at such obvious prejudice: "Indians bargaining their way to the top", Western Cape "coloureds" flooding the jobs market. These guys are all on the gravy train, and have the audacity to claim that they are speaking on behalf of the South African people. Well they are not speaking on my behalf.
Is this the face and a cover story we present to the world? Whatever happened to the principles of being fair and non-prejudiced to all who live in this country.
Nelson Mandela and the erstwhile leaders of our nation were fighting against domination of both black and white, in fact domination of any kind? Why then are the ANC and our Government so hell bent on supporting these offensive human beings. The aim should be the promotion and advancement of South Africa, not the promotion and advancement of a BUNCH OF NITWITS. Who only have the job, because they know somebody, who new somebody else. Both Jacob Zuma and the ministers under his wing, should be truly ashamed, and for once in their lives, live up to the principles that South Africans fought and died for. The Moral Compass, is totally lacking and must be recalibrated.
The fact is that we are lacking direction from any real leadership from these guys who are so hell bent on lining their pockets, that we are losing our principles, and the country is slipping into decay. This hardly makes a bleep on their radar What kind of a country, who's public face is so proudly racist, do we present to the world? And we are arrogant enough to want a permanent seat on the United Nations Security Council....if i was any self-respecting head of state, I would never be able to second any such request.
How is the present ANC government any better than the despots in Egypt, Libya or Zimbabwe? BEE has become the swear word to hide the radical chasm growing within the ANC. It is all about elections and personal enrichment and principles have been forsaken for a ride on the "GRAVY TRAIN". And it is only the country and its people that will suffer the consequences of racism and prejudice.
SHAME ON ALL OF YOU......if you want my vote, this is definitely not how you will get it.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
BOUAZIZ THE AWAKENING IN NORTH AFRICA
Tunisian sympathies for a lowly vegetable seller sent there erstwhile dictator scurrying for shelter in Riaad, strange how the worlds dictators in one form or another head to the most repressed capital in the world for succour, idi Armin did it, the Tunisian is hold up there as well,Mubarak he is probably going to pay the queen a visit, since his billions have been ferreted away in the united kingdom, for the day the Egyptians rise from their political coma,
and indeed they did the 27/01/2011, will be a day the Egyptians will remember for years to come, hopefully since they have risen from their politically apathetic state, they will have the confidence, to hold on and ensure that Mubarak becomes history, and moves to England where he will sip champagne, shop at Harrods, and make regular trips to the bank to check that his billions are secure.
the images of tahrir square broadcast by the likes of Al Jazeera, BBC, sky, and CNN, makes on realise, that it is not just all about cake, Marie Antoinette lost her head, Mubarak i am sure wants to keep his, the reality is, that when the masses reach saturation point, and poverty and hunger prevails, the head of a dictator is sure to roll, the stupidity of the human race is, that dictators never learn from the lessons history teaches, their greed and lust for power, makes them blind, deaf and dumb to the rumbles at grassroots levels, maybe if they came down from their lofty perches every now and then to smell the manure on the ground they would not cling to power so avariciously.
Hosni, get the message, your people want both you and Gamal out, so eat some humble pie, hand in your resignation, retire to Kensington, and entertain the queen to tea, the Egyptians will be happy, and perhaps finally, free and fare elections will see a new dispensation elected by the people, for the people, and Egypt can rise out of its coma, to be a respected country and a valuable part of the African continent once again.
we live in hope that the Turks, Algerians, Jordanians, Moroccans, are paying careful attention to the rumbles of hungry bellies, that the desperation of poverty and the absence of respect for human beings will eventually rise up to defeat the despot.
and indeed they did the 27/01/2011, will be a day the Egyptians will remember for years to come, hopefully since they have risen from their politically apathetic state, they will have the confidence, to hold on and ensure that Mubarak becomes history, and moves to England where he will sip champagne, shop at Harrods, and make regular trips to the bank to check that his billions are secure.
the images of tahrir square broadcast by the likes of Al Jazeera, BBC, sky, and CNN, makes on realise, that it is not just all about cake, Marie Antoinette lost her head, Mubarak i am sure wants to keep his, the reality is, that when the masses reach saturation point, and poverty and hunger prevails, the head of a dictator is sure to roll, the stupidity of the human race is, that dictators never learn from the lessons history teaches, their greed and lust for power, makes them blind, deaf and dumb to the rumbles at grassroots levels, maybe if they came down from their lofty perches every now and then to smell the manure on the ground they would not cling to power so avariciously.
Hosni, get the message, your people want both you and Gamal out, so eat some humble pie, hand in your resignation, retire to Kensington, and entertain the queen to tea, the Egyptians will be happy, and perhaps finally, free and fare elections will see a new dispensation elected by the people, for the people, and Egypt can rise out of its coma, to be a respected country and a valuable part of the African continent once again.
we live in hope that the Turks, Algerians, Jordanians, Moroccans, are paying careful attention to the rumbles of hungry bellies, that the desperation of poverty and the absence of respect for human beings will eventually rise up to defeat the despot.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
wedding bells and cockle shells
ITS ALL ABOUT THE SMILE....
THERE IS A RING..AND MOST DEFINITELY THE ABSENCE OF BLING...
BUT NO TRAVELLING PANTS...:) THE ENGAGEMENT.
October 2010...was when the wedding bells told for me, and my greatest stress was that the travelling wedding pants, having been banned from baby brothers wedding would definitely not see the light of day on this one.
shortly after little brother made his intentions known, my dad turned his beady eyes on the only single sibling left, and said, "my dear what are your plans?",.."you cannot be dating forever, not good for you or Albert. predictably i was off to dinner with boyfriend to discuss the matter, long term dating is never an option in the Indian family, being Muslim, makes it all the more trying, not to mention all the snoopy men at mosque, were trying to fish out the seriousness of our relationship.
so over serious dinner discussion, do not ask me where or when, i fail to remember such trivial things, we decided..(much to my surprise, marriage being definitely not on my radar)to become MR and MRS, no, not Smith,...i am months later still wondering what all the bruhaha is all about, the news of impending nuptials spread faster, then a brush fire in the Australian outback, i got calls from excited family and friends thanking God, calling on his greatness, for saving the last spinster in the family from the inglorious state of singledom, God had finally made me accept a marriage proposal and all was well with the world again.
i am now of the opinion, that being single was not considered "lekker", and it was possibly a punishment from God,...you think i might attain heaven now that i am a Mrs,..God i hope you are listening, if you are, could i win the lottery please? a million would do nicely thank you.
it came to pass, in a rather low key affair (by Indian standards)on the 6th of February 2010, i became an engaged woman,...we were truly moving into the rainbow nation, Albert is of Portuguese and Afrikaans decent, and i am a true blue Gujarati,..my ancestry could have some Arab or Chinese thrown in who knows,..
my mother in law, put a pretty gold chain around my neck, my fiance a pretty diamond ring on my finger, and without the long drawn out speeches, and prayers thanking the Gods, without ululating, or any of the grand fanfair that goes with the occasion, i had committed myself to....MARRIAGE!!!....oh dear.
understandably my mother was rather quiet, a little smile but no great enthusiasm, well, i had been with her for 41 long years, and now what the hell was i doing?, in that moment i was being dazzled by diamond rings..ok, ok..i am not that mercenary, and poor husband is yet to cough up the goodies, that comes with marrying into an Indian family,...what did you think we gave away our daughters cheaply,...oh dear me no.
The run up to the wedding was the right royal pain in the ass i thought it would be, there was no chance of missing out at the office to plan a wedding, so it all got done, in between moments, there is a reason, i don't like weddings, and my own was proving to be no different, the dress, the hair, the venue, the caterer, the list is endless, and oh the guest list, which lead to many an argument, i was pushing for 100 guests, my dad was "you cannot get away with under 300", 300, i don't know 300 people, and really all i was interested in was the party, we settled on the 2nd of October 2010, which coincidentally, ok i lie, by no mere coincidence is also the 45th wedding anniversary of my parents, who i am sure after many an argument, all wedding related, could not wait for the 2nd to come fast enough. getting rid of me was proving to be acceptable, and at some point, they were willing to do this for free and for gratis.
as luck would have it, i could not have been bothered with a dress, thanks to the generosity of Aadil, who called the dress guy, Michael and finally pushed me into going to check him out, we were on the road to dress heaven...my only brief, i do not want to look like a meringue. i also did not relish the thought of a gazillion dress fittings, which are aggravating and the damned dress always looks crap, since i was lazy, i also got some fabric, prior to seeing Michael, and went off to another clients recommendation, just 1km up the road, the long and the short of it was that i ended up with two wedding dresses, not having the heart to tell Chantal..that i had another dress, when i got her bill, i realised my inability to say no, had just cost me a small fortune, no matter i now have another dress, that i will never wear again, but hey it rocked on the night.
i was still at this point not running a fever or jumping with excitement at the thought of getting married, my brain was still trying to comprehend what all the fuss was about, and the constant are you excited? question was starting to drive me insane, excited about what, i had met someone, and we had decided to make a life together, was i nervous? no, was i excited? no, this all seriously felt like another day at the office, with more work thrown in, to fill my already full working day.
perhaps it was my lack of stress, or excitement, perhaps i was to old to feel the jitter bug, perhaps i was being to pragmatic, hell, there were a multitude of perhapes, i could have dreamed up, three weeks before my party (because weddings are just to fake). the wedding planner (ya right)..i had done all the planning, just needed the guy to provide tablecloths and food, turned out to be the biggest "wanker" (literally) of all time, he wanted to bill me for two weddings, give me a break, the venue was mine until midnight, our plan was to utilise it for that long, as we were going to party,and enjoy 45 years of marital bliss, as well.
but Muslim weddings don't have music and dancing and Indians eat, take the gift and fuck off, before the bride even leaves the venue, so really his staff only worked till 5. this wedding was a Saturday afternoon luncheon, that would go into dancing in the evening,two bills? , give me a kit kat, i was about to swat him from here back to the teeny tiny village in Gujarat he hailed from.furthermore i had the audacity to have an opinion or idea on what i wanted the venue to look like, to cut a long story short, i told him to shove his drapes, masquerading as tablecloths where the sun does not shine, and took my pissed off ass back to the office.
suffice to say the wanderers club, have not yet returned my money, and the wanker Aadil, "i have no qualifications as a wedding planner" and certainly no taste; is still contracted to the club as their halaal caterer.
thanks to my mum and a great tip, we found an alternate venue, with a great chef, and staff that were efficient and happy to do the job, there were no need for vapours and stress hives, we moved on, to celebrate the day with much laughter and happiness, the DJ played until the bewitching hour, we ate drank, and made merry and celebrated the 45th wedding anniversary of my parents surrounded by new family, great friends and the best tea totalling party anyone ever had the misfortune to attend got us off to the start of a happy married life together. honestly weddings aren't so bad after all, when your friends really want to be there, and your family love a party, then it is the happiest most fun filled day a couple will enjoy, the stuff happy memories are made of
since then, all i ever get asked, "so how is married life?'...are you happy?"..hell would i have gotten married if i was not happy?, would i remain married if i was not happy?, how is married life really?....its fun people, it's like a comfortable old shoe, you can never give away, its dishes, and laundry, its bad movies and a barrel of laughs, it's good morning breath, and hot showers, its just every day life, with a person, who doesn't mind seeing your wake up hair, and unmade up face. who looks at your miserable face in the morning and says "good morning my gorgeous wife"..it's knowing that and loving that..and enjoying that forever feeling.
its definitelly not wedding bells and cockle shells....
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
compromise the four letter word.
i just had a very disturbing email from a good friend, 2010 has proved to be a truly bad year for her,and for a couple of other's to. for me of course it brought GDH, into my life, and reading my friends disturbing email, set me off thinking about compromise, is this really a four letter word, are we to demanding of the people in our lives, or in fact to demanding on our selves.
are the things we believe we must have or want in our lives, creating pressure's, large enough,that ending your life seems the only answer. perhaps marriage is the four letter word, why do we embark on this journey, if we are unwilling or unable to adjust ourselves to the changes that inevitably follows the institution of marriage.
modern man i believe is greedy, and needful and lustful of an outwardly material lifestyle that essentially is not very realistic, we envy the Hollywood lifestyles of the rich and famous, as we avariciously lap up the ideal, glued to satellite television and hello magazine. we see our co-workers spending fortunes on the latest trendy eateries, on designer clothing, electronic gadgets and the like, and we crave that lifestyle, the ordinary mundane existence of children, husbands and being the stay at home mom, becomes a stress, we need to work, to earn, to afford the lifestyle, and the kids become a bore, the husband is a bore and definitely a nurturing home, is the biggest bore.
Angelina Jolie, has Brad pit, a brood of kids and a designer lifestyle,...and she is definitely not bored, she did not have to compromise, on eating out, great parties, the red carpet, but then she is not me, middle class Jane, with a husband, three kids, no job, essentially no life, and by sitting at home, with no escape from kids, not enough cash for outside entertainment, we fight, we bottle our anxieties, to the point of feeling useless, unloved, unwanted.we are resentful of our husbands because, he goes to work, is stimulated, comes home full of the days stresses, when we have been locked away at home, bored,bored,bored.
this is not about compromise, life becomes an unfair resented circumstance, there is, i want to shout a huge difference between reality, and the reality of the rich and famous, we cannot all be Angelina or Brad or even the neighbour next door, we each have our own set of circumstances from which to live, and learn to appreciate, yet being the avaricious, animal, we are never satisfied, and the grass always looks greener on the other side.
we are essentially the sole creators of the circumstances we live in, our choice to be married was not forced on us, our choice to have children, was not a mishap, or an unguarded moment, so adjusting from being single, was not an unexpected circumstance,now to be resented, we made a choice, and the choice comes with its own unique circumstances, should we not learn to embrace this, learn to live for ourselves, not to show the world our achievements, but to appreciate the reality of our circumstances for ourselves, that is not a compromise, not a four letter word, it is an acceptance of choices, perhaps then the anti-depressants, trips to the shrink or drowning in the bath tub, might not seem the solution.
are the things we believe we must have or want in our lives, creating pressure's, large enough,that ending your life seems the only answer. perhaps marriage is the four letter word, why do we embark on this journey, if we are unwilling or unable to adjust ourselves to the changes that inevitably follows the institution of marriage.
modern man i believe is greedy, and needful and lustful of an outwardly material lifestyle that essentially is not very realistic, we envy the Hollywood lifestyles of the rich and famous, as we avariciously lap up the ideal, glued to satellite television and hello magazine. we see our co-workers spending fortunes on the latest trendy eateries, on designer clothing, electronic gadgets and the like, and we crave that lifestyle, the ordinary mundane existence of children, husbands and being the stay at home mom, becomes a stress, we need to work, to earn, to afford the lifestyle, and the kids become a bore, the husband is a bore and definitely a nurturing home, is the biggest bore.
Angelina Jolie, has Brad pit, a brood of kids and a designer lifestyle,...and she is definitely not bored, she did not have to compromise, on eating out, great parties, the red carpet, but then she is not me, middle class Jane, with a husband, three kids, no job, essentially no life, and by sitting at home, with no escape from kids, not enough cash for outside entertainment, we fight, we bottle our anxieties, to the point of feeling useless, unloved, unwanted.we are resentful of our husbands because, he goes to work, is stimulated, comes home full of the days stresses, when we have been locked away at home, bored,bored,bored.
this is not about compromise, life becomes an unfair resented circumstance, there is, i want to shout a huge difference between reality, and the reality of the rich and famous, we cannot all be Angelina or Brad or even the neighbour next door, we each have our own set of circumstances from which to live, and learn to appreciate, yet being the avaricious, animal, we are never satisfied, and the grass always looks greener on the other side.
we are essentially the sole creators of the circumstances we live in, our choice to be married was not forced on us, our choice to have children, was not a mishap, or an unguarded moment, so adjusting from being single, was not an unexpected circumstance,now to be resented, we made a choice, and the choice comes with its own unique circumstances, should we not learn to embrace this, learn to live for ourselves, not to show the world our achievements, but to appreciate the reality of our circumstances for ourselves, that is not a compromise, not a four letter word, it is an acceptance of choices, perhaps then the anti-depressants, trips to the shrink or drowning in the bath tub, might not seem the solution.
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About Me
- africanfragments
- johannesburg, gauteng, South Africa
- passionate bout all things literary. dislike, stupidity and insincerity.
